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Feb 22, 2024

Power Ranking Penn State's Urinals

Have you ever walked around Penn State’s campus, in need of a place to empty your bladder, and wondered where your best options were? You’ve come to the right place, folks. This is a list of some of

Have you ever walked around Penn State’s campus, in need of a place to empty your bladder, and wondered where your best options were? You’ve come to the right place, folks.

This is a list of some of the best (and worst) places to pee on Penn State’s campus. If you want a clean, easy wizz or an exciting new adventure, refer to this guide. These urinals are ranked based on the quality of the bowls, privacy, and overall ~vibes~.

I was unable to get a picture of the Beaver Stadium troughs, so they, unfortunately, cannot officially make this list. Whether or not these troughs are true “urinals” could be the subject of an intense debate. However, they represent everything beautiful about the Penn State football experience and are something that should be added around campus.

The problem here is not so much with the urinals themselves, but rather their relationship with each other. There are no dividers between them and they aren’t in their own enclosed space. It makes you feel trapped with your neighbor, and you can’t be fully comfortable with your wizz. You could say this one really pisses me off.

The issue with this urinal setup is that users don’t have much room to work with. They are forced to walk past a baby-changing station and awkwardly squeeze into position. At the other urinal, there’s a tight space between the divider and the next stall. In both cases, the users are practically standing on top of one another, creating a less-than-ideal situation.

This urinal has several issues. For one, it’s off-limits. It appears that were it on-limits, users would have to bend completely over to flush it, which is a no-no. The shape of the bowl itself is so strange those of us who struggle with our aim would have some difficulty. Still, the intrigue of the urinal alone keeps it out of last place. My goal in life is to use this urinal before I graduate.

There are actually two different urinals in this restroom, but I selected the more notable of the pair. It’s a unique bowl, but it essentially forces the user to choose between standing over it or nearly out of range. It’s a lose-lose, and the lack of a divider between this urinal and the basic one next to it doesn’t help.

Like the Paterno urinals, the issues with the While Building urinals come from the general setup. They are two very small bowls set close together with no divider. Still, they serve their purpose in the White Building, which has never pretended to be clean or classy. There are broken barbells laying around the gym floor, and each time you walk in, you’re greeted with an unpleasant smell. While the urinals are a travesty, they fit the atmosphere well.

The compatriot to the first bowl at Boucke just isn’t anything special. It’s a piece of marble set into the wall with an electric flusher and no divider. It will get the job done, but it won’t be enjoyable.

This urinal is fine, I suppose. There’s a barrier, there’s five of them, and they have an automatic flush. It’s the whole nine yards you could say. There’s nothing special about them, but they are there when you need them.

Now, this is what I’m talking about. These urinals are exquisite. The entire bathroom is so clean, and the urinals are an extension of that. There are five urinals to choose from, they flush automatically, and there is plenty of space in between urinals. They don’t necessarily stand out, but they are also an enjoyable place to do your business.

As far as privacy goes, these take the cake. There are two urinals in this restroom, and they are placed on opposite sides of the room. On each side is either a concrete wall or a stall wall, ensuring that you will have no concerns about nosy neighbors. It makes for a truly comfortable wizz.

You already know what it is. The pride and joy of Penn State. There’s nothing like it. The vibe of walking in and enjoying a cocktagon experience with your best friends is one of the best parts of Penn State. There’s nothing quite like finding empty beer cans and cigarettes strewn around a porta-potty at 9 a.m. on a Saturday in October, and I hope that I can experience this for as long as possible.

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Joe is a junior journalism major at Penn State and an associate editor at Onward State. He covers Penn State football, and enjoys yelling on Twitter about Philadelphia/Penn State sports. If you want to find him, Joe's usually watching soccer with his shirt off or at the gym with his shirt on. Please direct all praise about punters toward him on Twitter (iamjoelister) or via email ([email protected]).

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