Blog

Dec 25, 2023

Child

"I can tell you firsthand that the problem is not that you personally regret the decision; it's dealing with parents." BuzzFeed Staff For anyone who cares to know: I recognize now that when I was

"I can tell you firsthand that the problem is not that you personally regret the decision; it's dealing with parents."

BuzzFeed Staff

For anyone who cares to know: I recognize now that when I was younger, my decision not to have children was rooted more in fear and encouraged by child-adult relationships I experienced or witnessed myself.

After attending therapy in my early 20s and further maturing, I do now believe I'm capable of being a healthy parent. Similarly, I can appreciate the beauty and joy of having a child and creating a family with somebody you love.

That being said, while you're free to dictate your own family dynamic and parenting style, I think I'd want to be the kind of parent whose life revolves around their children. But frankly, that's a lifestyle and level of responsibility that I don't want to commit to in this lifetime.

—u/[deleted]

—u/fwubglubbel

—u/videoman7189

"The down side is I will die a lonely old man with no family around. I don't actually worry about my death very much; it is too far in the future."

—u/comradebillyboy

—u/IBeTrippin

"Their dad at least gave me money and shared my sister's social security benefits so I could feed, clothe, and enroll them in fun activities and camps. I love the hell out of them, and I'd beat the ass of anyone who messed with them, but I'm glad I didn't have babies of my own."

—u/gambitgrl

"We are surrounded by friends and family, and there's no reason that should ever change. I sometimes wonder what life will be like when we're 60 or what my children would be like if we'd had any. I expect I'll look back and see all of the wonderful things I did have in life rather than dwell on the things I didn't, and I look forward to what will come in the next 20 years."

—u/LuigiVanPeebles

"By the time we were in a position to support having children, I felt I was too old. I'm the child of a 40-year-old mother who had five children before me and one after. Although I would never have told her this, I felt that some of us didn't get the time and energy that her eldest got. I didn't want to do that to another being.

Instead of having kids, we participated in helping those already here in a number of ways. Ultimately, while we wish the circumstances had been different, we do not regret our decision."

—u/SheSellsSeashellsBts

"And we're not worrying about who will care for us when we're in a home — we've always practiced being alone with a book, game, or hobby, so I'm pretty confident we can each handle that if or when it comes."

—u/BlandGuy

"I don't love or hate kids. Sometimes they're great, sometimes they're not. I didn't feel a strong need to pass on my genes, family name, or anything else.

On the other side of the equation, not having kids meant having more time, energy, money, and flexibility for the things I really have a passion for in life. I find myself doing a lot of community work where I'm one of the few non-retirees involved (voluntary local government work for the most part). It's been great to represent a younger voice in those environments and have the time and energy to do that work."

—u/froggerslogger

—u/ProfessorOzone

"My wife was so adamant about not having kids that she got sterilized at 30. Now, we both have jobs that pay well and travel quite a bit. She and I are an amazing pair, and I wouldn't trade her for the world. However, there are a series of phrases we hear on a continual basis, from the mundane to the rude. Among these are, 'How can you be so selfish?' 'You'll regret it later,' 'You'll come around when you're older,' 'Who will take care of you when you're old,' and the list goes on.

Similarly, because most people have kids, social nights with friends become sessions of baby pictures and how little Tommy missed the training potty and went all over the floor. I am the only guy in an office full of women, and all I hear day in and day out is talk about children and grandchildren. It's something you will have to be ready for since there is simply no avoiding this.

Many people say that parents are simply jealous of couples with dual incomes and no kids. Of course, this isn't always the case, but allow me to mention an observation I've noticed over the years (there are many instances where this topic comes up on Reddit, Facebook, in real life, etc.). I commonly hear, 'I love my children, but...' That caveat is there frequently. There's no doubt they love their kids. However, there is a small feeling of wishing they could do the things people without kids do.

That's not to say they would change anything if they could go back and do it all over again — they truly enjoy parenting and wouldn't trade it for the world. Humans are jealous by nature. When you see someone who is doing things you only wish you could do, it's only natural to feel that way. In the end, other parents will make your life hell, but do it for yourself and not to please anyone else."

—u/jatznic

—u/bannana

"Before she graduated, the school asked for her to be placed on ADHD medication, so I asked for her to instead be tested for learning disabilities. I clarified that she could do her hobbies for hours, listening to music and creating beautiful jewelry. She was then diagnosed with a cognitive processing disorder and, with new teaching methods, went from getting Ds and Fs to graduating with As and Bs."

—u/BlueXTC

—u/Netprincess

—u/booboocita

"Whether you have regrets in your senior years will depend on how you spend your time in your youth. You could travel the world, do things for the community, or follow your dreams and feel just as satisfied as someone with 20 grandchildren."

—u/Jordan_Two_Delta

—u/joevilla1369

—u/Acrobatic-Fox9220

"It's you and me — nobody else allowed. We have very little to disagree about. No one is running around driving people places, picking them up, and taking them to their appointments. We live for ourselves and for each other. Besides doing things for each other, most of our time is spent doing whatever we feel like doing (work, chores, and errands, but even those are at our leisure).

Sometimes, I forget how old I am and do dumb things because I don't have a teenager around to tell me that I am stupid. Once, I was getting a pedicure, and the woman doing my pedicure commented on the fact that I was wearing cowboy boots with my sundress. She said, 'I tried that, and my daughter rolled her eyes and told me I'm not Taylor Swift. I replied that her daughter sounded like a little asshole, and she agreed. However, I also regularly forget that I'm nearly 50, do stupid things like pub crawls on a bike, and then regret it.

I do sometimes think about the future and imagine myself not having kids around. But I have nieces with whom I am quite close and really close friends with kids whom I also have relationships with. I picture them as part of my life as a senior.

Otherwise, my husband and I go out on weeknights, drink, and watch movies with boobies in them at 7 p.m. We eat whatever we feel like and, sometimes, there's no dinner at all if we just want cheese, crackers, and beer. I blow him in the living room and sleep until 10 a.m. on the weekends if I want. We always have new phones and computers and gadgets. No one ever demands to play with our cell phones, so we can text each other dirty pics all we want. I can buy and play GTA V and not have to wait until 10 p.m. to play. Our cars are immaculate and not necessarily practical. While I still don't have a motorcycle, I do have a Vespa scooter. It's close enough."

—u/WellThatIsJustRude

"My friends with kids are exhausted and in loveless marriages with alcoholics and abusers, but they stay because of the kids.

My life is amazing. I travel, see friends, and go to shows, museums, and concerts. I have money to do whatever I want. My husband and I are very happy and are together because we genuinely love each other. We have a big retirement account and insurance for the day if either of us has to go into an assisted living facility. I'm okay with that.

I have very amazing nieces and nephews, but at the end of our visits, I'm glad I can go home! Lol."

—u/bringmemywinekyle

—u/Gibber_Italicus

—u/WastingMyLifeOnSocMd

—u/ipakookapi

"We still live in the same house when we first met. Extra money and donated time go to organizations that directly help the homeless, provide educational opportunities to children and adults, political causes, and other local groups that look out for children. No regrets on either of our parts."

—u/drd001

"Due to society, parents don't have the authority they used to have. They are ignored, mocked, and 'patronized' oddly enough by their offspring."

—u/tzippora

—u/triviacash

—u/Hermits_Truth

—u/ShinyPatina

—u/Cryptmeowkitten

"I feel this. My parents did a decent job raising me and my sibling. But after we left the nest, it was obvious that they didn't know how to live together and lacked chemistry besides being a good child-rearing team. Forty-plus years later, their chemistry seems more lacking than my comparatively way shorter relationship with my significant other."

—u/LatexSmokeCats

"My husband and I also do a lot of volunteer work with young people, which we find extremely rewarding. We travel a lot, give a lot, and generally have a great life. We have lots of nieces and nephews, too."

—u/2of5

"The things that make me say to myself, 'Yes, you've made the right decision,' are the following:

1) I see my friends who have had children and how their lives are affected — mainly in the negative from my perception, though I'm sure they view it as mostly positive. They have to devote so much time and energy to their children; I just can't fathom doing that. All they talk about is their kids. They can't go out and do things. Call me selfish, but I don't want a life like that.

2) We have a senile, geriatric, incredibly needy cat. That's about as much responsibility as I can take on. Sometimes, I'll think to myself, Maybe we should get a dog, and then I think about it a bit more and realize I don't want that much responsibility. You can't just take a weekend vacation with a dog; you have to worry about it getting walked and fed. You have to be home at certain times to take care of it. You have to give it a certain amount of affection and attention. And that's a dog...having kids is even more responsibility.

3) To be honest, I don't like kids (especially younger ones) all that much. I know, I know, everyone says it's different when it's your kids. I'm not willing to take that risk, though. What happens if you have a kid and you find out that parenthood isn't for you? It's not like you can return them.

As for what our life is like without them, we have all the free time we could want. We have a lot more money to spend on ourselves. We can take vacations, go out to dinner, or do whatever. We walk around our house naked whenever we want and have sex (loudly) whenever we want. We're not exhausted like our friends are. We have things to talk about other than our children.

Some people ask us what will happen when we're old and no one can care for us. That seems like one of the most ridiculous reasons to have kids in this day and age. I'm the youngest of nine children, and none of us are on speaking terms with our mother. Who's going to take care of her in her final years? None of us. There's no guarantee that having kids is some assurance that you'll have someone visiting you when you're old. If you've ever worked in a nursing home, you'll know that.

Let me add that I do have a ton of nieces and nephews, and I have enjoyed interacting with them as they get older. I can be the proud aunt, follow their lives, and support them without monetary or major time obligations. It's the best of both worlds!"

—u/dalek_999